Upon reflection of the day I find myself questioning where I fit in this world. Should I change who I am and find some clear direction or do I live following my intuition, drive, passions and faith.Though others may not understand the method to the madness and frankly nor do I. I am a visionary that gets excited about ideas and the purpose behind the idea, who it can help and if it inspires them. I am not a make appointment/date sort of person (majority of the time)excpt in my professional life if it is required. I am spontaneous and there are days I follow my intuition and it leads me where I am meant to be. I may pop in to see a client, a referral provider, a friend, or a family member and we will find ourselves realizing we were meant to talk, share ideas/information, or to lend a shoulder/ear. There are so many times when I find myself saying, “Thank you Lord for guiding me here”.
So talking with some friends today it became clear to me that I am what I am because of life and things I have been through. I do not get really close to people because I always end up getting hurt. I will only let my family get close though I have been hurt by them to at times. I am an “open book” the good, the bad, and the ugly, it is important to me to be genuine and own my “closet”. My mother used to tell me I am too honest but that is my nature. I think others can learn from my faults, as well as my attributes.
My friends are people I accept for who they are and I see the spirit within each one of them some are from elementary school, some from highschool, some from college, some were co-workers, networking friends, and those in senior care who have similar passions, goals, and ethics. I love the fact I can call anytime or pop in anytime and pick up where we left off.
My friends know I get it, I have gone through post-pardum depression, lived at The Opportunity House for 3 months with my oldest son until I got back on my feet, have lived without my youngest son to ensure he has stability and is happy and healthy. I have a sister who struggles with mental illness, a nephew who is autistic with turrets and has epilespy, a father who had 89% of his body burned, and experienced the loss of my mom at the age of 53 due to pancreatic cancer. The loss of my youngest son in my daily life is only bareable because he is happy, healthy, stable and very loved. I used to cry myself to sleep until I learned to keep my mind occupied.
I asked the Lord to use me as His vessel and each day I see that we are all connected in a spiritual way. I read as much as I can as long as it is of interest to me, or I can help someone with the knowledge at a later time. Writing is therapeutic for me and always has been if it touches someone elses’ spirit then all the better.
I am a friend for life whether we ever talk again or not you have touched my life and I will think of you again!